I wasn’t going to post about this until everything was said and done, but the more I think about it the more upset I get and the more I realize I shouldn’t have to stay quiet about it. A small handful of people are aware of all of this already and those who follow me on Twitter know a goodly amount as well, but here’s the scoop: I had a complaint reported to Fidelco about me.

Now many of you may note that this isn’t the first complaint I’ve received. Interesting fact, the person who sent this complaint begins by stating that she is the same person who originally reported me for having a dog in such an “emaciated condition.” And while she did give her name this time, she remains a complete stranger to me. The complainer goes on to question “why is this dog still serving this person if it is sick and if she is treating it like this?” The complaint outlines this questioned treatment by alleging that I have been observed to be mean and angry towards Yara on several occassions. She states that she has repeatedly seen me hit the dog. And on the particular date of the complaint — last Friday — she witnessed me being especially short with the dog for “crying” in the elevator and then not allowing her to relieve.

My own opinions on this are all over the map, but first I want to say that I reigned in my feelings about the initial complaint because I convinced myself they came from a good place, a place of concern for my dog. But that fact that she has the gaul to question whether Yara is healthy enough to work just infuriates me to no end. Granted I don’t know her, but even if she’s the most skilled vet in existence I’m positive that casual observation is not enough to confirm whether a dog is too sick to work in harness! I find it hard to not find the rest of the complaint hard to swallow because of this.

The response by those who have learned of this complaint, Fidelco included, has been unanimously on my side. Everyone believes it’s a bunch of lies. And for this I am thankful. Though, for arguement’s sake I will admit that so far as the events of last Friday, she is not entirely inventing facts. Yara did whine on the elevator and I did reprimand her verbally to quiet. In the lobby, Yara started to drag me to the door and I gave her a leash correction to come to heel. As I was doing this, the complainer who was on the elevator with me came around from behind and sharply commented that I was “very rude to [my] dog.” I gaped at her for a beat, thinking how much I detest hearing from total strangers how to treat my dog, and then before I said something nasty, I went outside. Immediately upon exiting the front door I realized I’d forgotten my gloves and by the time I got to the corner with Yara I knew I wouldn’t be able to go the day without them. So I turned around and went back in, with a bit of protest from Yara who expected us to turn at the corner and not go back the way we came. When I came back out, with gloved hands, I just let Yara take her pee on a snowbank rather than our usual routine of walking around and/or through the park. And she did certainly have to pee quite a bit, even though she’d been out not even an hour and a half before, because she’s on steroids!

I’m beside myself about the whole thing. As I said, Fidelco was very firm in explaining that they had no worries about Yara’s health and well being. But in that same breath also stated that they will have to come out to investigate the matter. Rationally, I understand this. Especially given that the complainer also states that she expects action to be taken or she will contact other animal authorities about the issue. She goes so far as to throw Buster’s Law into the mix, which is absolutely not applicable to this situation. But still, I’m personally insulted. I can’t help but feel that I’m constantly defending my own skills as a handler. Throughout the working life of our dogs, handlers are constantly faced with the need to defend our competence with our guides. It’s a rare day that goes by that someone doesn’t make a passing remark that you are too harsh with your dog or that your dog should/shouldn’t be doing something or other. Many times these same people are those that catch you five seconds after your dog has walked you face first into a telephone pole; they see you hauling your dog’s front feet off the ground but they didn’t notice you nearly getting a concussion. I’m certainly used to that. In fact, before Fidelco had called me that evening, I thought last Friday’s encounter was just that: some stranger commenting on the correction of my dog. But as time has gone on I feel more and more personally attacked. Between certain members of my family to work and now some tenant in my building I couldn’t pick out of a crowd if I were paid to; when does it end?

Everyone keeps telling me it’s really nothing — and I don’t deny that it is basically superficial — yet the more I think about it the more I feel that I’m drowning in a sea of faults that I can’t attempt to correct. I can’t help but feel that if so many people keep seeing things that are wrong how there can’t possibly be something I could be doing better or at least differently. Maybe it’s just my own shaky confidence after last week’s debacle at breakfast, I don’t know. I just keep reminding myself that I can’t be all that horrible if Yara is this happy and confident both in and out of harness.

I really just want to cry.

Silence around these parts generally equals one of two things: (1) nothing is going on worth the effort of blogging about or (2) so much is going on I have not the time to post it here. In this case it’s numero dos and I can’t say it’s all good news either.

I did hear back from Dr. Gundersen that Yara’s blood work came back negative. Her kidneys and liver are fine, electrolytes are normal, protien levels are good. By all accounts she’s healthy. Nothing new there. Her thyroid test results have yet to be completed, but she’s scheduled for the next batch of blood tests a week from Saturday.¹

That, of course, is hardly where the drama resides. Last Friday while I was on my lunch break, I was told by another colleague that a gentlemen came to our office “looking for someone regarding abusing their guide dog.” As there are three of us currently in our office alone that are guide dog users, she asked him specifically whom he was referring to, but he wouldn’t give her a name and I assume he left shortly thereafter as I never ran into him. My colleague seemed very concerned that it had to do with Yara, (though admittedly a few other coworkers felt it may be in reference to another person on our floor) but I brushed it all aside. To be honest, I was hardly surprised that the gentlemen may have been looking for me specifically; I hear on a daily basis from friends and strangers alike that Yara’s excessively thin.

Anyway, Monday I received a call from Becky that a report had been made against me at Fidelco. Of course, I’ve already been in contact with the school about the entire matter. In May, when I first found out Yara had lost weight, we all went to the school, had Yara weighed again and talked with Robbie about the matter. Plus, at the urging of Patty, I called Robbie last week, hoping for some insight on other Y’s with a similar issue and/or any advice. All that notwithstanding, Fidelco still has its own obligations to meet, so Becky was coming to “check on us.”

Wednesday, I met her and Mary at my office and they both easily confirmed the obvious: Yara’s very thin. Becky observed that Yara also “clearly hates [me]” as she was doing her usual “this is my mommy” sitting thing where she leans on my leg with her right foot planted on top of my left one and stares up at me. We walked a few blocks and talked a bit about the complete standstill I’m at with what’s causing the weightloss. Yara was quite good, save for the uncharacteristic dog distraction she was having with Vince, the dog Mary was working with. We eventually let them have a brief hello to get it out of her system, but I’ve chalked it up to the fact she hasn’t seen a shepherd since the Walk.

When we were practically back to my office, Mary asked if there was anywhere to eat where they could take the dogs in. And, of course, in downtown Albany there’s tons of places to eat and they’re all pretty used to guide dogs coming in. Becky went and “got herself a dog” from the van and we set off. Yara was hilarious during this walk as she now had two shepherds that she had to outperform. She had to be first off the curb and in front of all the other dogs. She was just so silly!

We ended up going to El Mariachi; all the dogs were really very good I thought. Hannah was especially funny because she wasn’t really sure whom to listen to even though Becky was working her, so she’d just randomly target me or jump up when I was giving Yara a command. Vince, on the other hand, kind of reminded me of Raechel’s last puppy Spock, he just kept spreading himself out more and more. But anyway, I had a very nice time. We chatted about a bunch of stuff and I actually heard some news about Spock, which was really kind of random and funny.

After we finished, we all walked back to the van, Yara still wanting to show off and be first. Becky said she had this “wild, crazy” look on her face, too. Back at the van, she was really hilarious and kept trying to get inside and was whining so loud. I couldn’t believe it, honestly. It’s always very windy in that part of Albany because of the tall buildings and we all were practically shouting to be heard and Yara’s whining was even louder than all that!

So, in the end, while I am hardly pleased that someone reported me for possibly abusing Yara, I am glad that everyone involved is now on the same page and behind me. I still have no more answers than before as to what’s going on with my dog, but there certainly are a lot of concerned people. And if any further complaints come in regarding the issue, Fidelco can safely assure them that they’ve already investigated and found nothing to warrant abuse.

1. The first available date that she could be fasted for tweleve hours after payday (since I’m broker than broke).

Yara’s new thing with food is to remind me every five seconds while it soaks that she would like her food. She paces around the house the entire time it soaks and will come up to nudge me with these sad eyes. I can just hear her little doggy mind saying, “Hey, Mom, my dinner’s on the counter. Don’t forget, okay?” After she has finished eating, she searches the house for her bone and lays down by me chewing it. One could argue that she’s cleaning her teeth, but Dolly used to do the same thing and I always took it as dog-speak for, “I’m hardly satisfied by the previous meal.”

Anyway, this morning Tommy was here for our first follow up visit. We talked some about how things are going both in and out of harness and then took a decent walk downtown. All in all, he seemed very impressed with us as a team, noting that we seemed more like we’d been together for many years and not just over five weeks. I totally agree, I’m still incredibly impressed with how smoothly things have been with Yara and how quickly we’ve settled with one another. Basically, the only things he said I should work on are to keep on her when she’s “charging forward.” He suggested, aside from corrections alone, to stop prefacing commands with her name as it seems to be building her anticipation and excitement. “Whatever you’re doing with her,” he said, “keep doing it, it’s working.” I think that made my whole day, seriously.

Back home, Yara headed straight for her bed and crashed. Really, you’d think she’d run the Boston Marathon. Funny girl.

In somewhat unrelated news, and in answer to some questions I’ve received, yes I do plan to finish adding the other sections to this site . . . just not right now. But sometime, yes!