Yesterday morning at approximately 9:30 a.m. Mr. Horsey, the beloved fleece squeaky toy of one Uschi the German shepherd guide dog, was discovered in the livingroom of this blog’s author. He was pronounced dead after a cursory glance at the state of his stuffing, which was strewn about in many heaps throughout much of the house. Mr. Horsey was laid to rest in the wastebasket of my home office. He was later relocated to the outside trash bin after an attempted grave-robbing.
Mr. Horsey leaves behind his best friend, Uschi, and her partner. Uschi is currently under suspicion for the murder of Mr. Horsey and at least five other stuffed dog toys. The German shepherd had no comment, but an authority in this case states that she is undoubtedly stricken by the loss of her plush toy. It was also reported that soon after Mr. Horsey was initially laid to rest, Uschi was found with parts of the deceased in her mouth. It is also possible that she consumed a few bits of his stuffing, though, the only witness to this has less than reliable vision.
Due to the state of Mr. Horsey’s remains, there will be no funeral service. Instead, mourners are welcome to make donations in his name to Uschi in the form of new stuffed toys, though, her handler does warn that their life expectancy is quite short. “Mr. Horsey,” she states, “was one of the longer lived of his kind, but his unfortunate demise was inevitable.”