Pity

For those that keep an eye for these things, I want to announce that I gave R. Malone written permission as of just a moment ago to repost my review of her book and my post in response to her message. I have requested she properly attribute me this time — and I will be checking. And that is all I’m saying on the matter.

Instead, I want to talk about pity.

I don’t really have much experience with it — giving or receiving. I think pity is a waste of time; empathy and sympathy are much more productive emotions. The way I see it, pity is not just feeling sorry for someone, but looking down at them for what you feel sorry about. Pitying someone really is a backwards way of making you feel better about yourself. That person being pitied has some negative attribute about them that you are inwardly glad to not have yourself.

Being blind I know there are people out there in the wide world who pity me. They’re the people who think it’s totally amazing that I can manage to dress myself in the morning with clothes that match and would be shocked into disbelief to know that I’m currently pursuing my second and third graduate degrees. They’re the people who use my own disability as an excuse for things, especially when it is completely not applicable. They’re pretty much everything that I despise about the world wrapped up in a person. And the worst part, they actually think they’re in the right!

But I’ve rather thankfully never had the opportunity to meet this head on. Ignorance drives me quite literally crazy with fury, so I’m sure that I wouldn’t handle it very well. Of course, as I’m sure most of you are fully aware of, I’m not exactly lacking in self-confidence or self-esteem. I don’t think I’m the greatest person in the universe, but I’m kind of sure I’m at least a little awesome. Sometimes. Even when the world seems bent on trying to prove otherwise, I can generally let it go. And so while something might get under my skin and pester me, it’s never the end of the world. It’s just another one of those things.

I’ve also learned through a lifetime of being blind and more than a dozen years working guide dogs that people will inevitably believe what they want to. They see what they want to and make their own conclusion. And no matter how intelligently you try to explain to them what really happened, they will still believe what they wish to. In fact, if anything the arguing just makes them dig their heels in more. Challenging a belief is like the worst taboo in life, even a stupid or insignificant belief. I think sometimes the more illogical a belief is, the more that person will fight to maintain it.

If life has taught me anything in my three decades it’s that it is hardly worth it. The people who matter are those that expect to be challenged in their outlook on things; they thrive on learning and growing and in turn they help you learn and grow, too. Those people are way more awesome than I’ll ever be, by the way.